Hey man sorry I got all grabby
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
