if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
