i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
