Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
