I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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