On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
