awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm having to shit out rocks
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