walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
