your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
