And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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