I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I can't put those talents on a resume
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
