Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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