The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
