i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
