i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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