he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
