her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
