So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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