well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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