I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
