OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
