so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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