that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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