you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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