you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize