dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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