dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
