Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
