Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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