I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
