Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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