phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So much rum. So many feels.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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