Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
