The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i believe in u and ur pee
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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