Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
