Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
