i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I want to fling myself into the sun
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
