Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
