yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Randomize