the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
