apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
