So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
