Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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