Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
