Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
