My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
