Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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