I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
