You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
