I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
