I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
even my farts smell like vagina
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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