Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
