I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
