hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
