Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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