i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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