Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
