He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize