Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just cut my nipple shaving
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I love how my cats smell like pot.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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