DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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