she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
