i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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