ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
