I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
