Cold hands, warm shart.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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