You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
