Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
