She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
