I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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