If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
